a road full of promise.

just when you think every thing's alright between you and God. bam. He's got other plans. or, maybe it's you with the plan and He's just waiting for you to figure out where you went wrong. why you strayed. why you chose this temporary separation.

it's called free will. i wouldn't want to force someone to love me, if i was God. would you? love is a choice, not an emotion. God calls us to love everyone. it's an action. even when it hurts. and i believe He honours obedience, even in the hurt. but, God's bigger than the hurt. God forgave us, and for that very reason, surely we can forgive others. this is love. i choose love. i always want to choose love. i will walk this out, despite whatever the aftermath.

i admit defeat, and the reunion is sweet. His love never fails. it's always there, ready for you to grab when you're the one that chose failure. and, it happens. this failing business. walking out this relationship with your Maker is hard, people. we're human, and God's not. i am comforted by that statement. i need something bigger than me to love me. to save me. i can be a mess just as much as the next person.

i'm learning you're only as strong as your weakest link, and as cliche as i know it sounds...it's better to just cut the link. it will destroy you...if you let it. it's only you who gives this permission for it continue. be kind to yourself. apologise. practice forgiveness. accept grace. move on, in light.

i was able to listen to my worship playlist for the first time in a long while en route to work yesterday morning. that is saying something. the car is like a private studio. a place for myself. to harmonise to my heart's content without nervousness. harmonising brings me happiness. stillness. peace. it calms me down. it helps me enter His presence. i always felt that finding the melody of any song was a challenge. that's the rebel in me, i suppose. i thank God for this gift.

my drive right now is under an hour. it's a combination of rural single-lane buggy trails, motorways and scenic views. lots of time to think. i like it that way. my english colleagues think i'm nuts to live so far from the office. they don't understand that to drive more than half an hour in canada...is nothing. the drive will shorten once the new office gets sorted out. i know i need the distance from work to home. to process. to harmonise. aha.

have you ever felt like you were out of your body? looking down on yourself? watching yourself from above as you pass through life? the choices you make and where it leads you and where it doesn't lead you? what is this concept? existentialism? i never could fully grasp philosophical ideas. i don't think i have this right. oh well. i tried. that's the important thing. risk-taking. i hope the literary genius will correct me.

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if you're loved by someone you're never rejected. decide what to be and go be it.