i found out at work. mom called me. dad flew out that night. i remember thinking, no. not yet. he was suppose to wait for me to say goodbye properly. sometimes i think i can be selfish.
we knew he hadn't been well since the summer. i did see him that summer when i visited for a few weeks. when i came home, a week later my parents flew out. my parents and i saw a lot of pearson airport that month of july. i said goodbye then. but, i didn't believe it would be that kind of goodbye. denial. excessive optimism? the belief that family members are invincible? up until then, i hadn't really experienced many close family deaths yet.
because we knew he wasn't well that december, and in preparation four days earlier, i booked a flight to fly out christmas eve to say goodbye. his passing came sooner than i wanted. is that always the way?
a few months ago, nana told me she had a bunch of grandad's wool socks still in the wardrobe. i asked her if i could have them. i know it sounds like a strange request, but it's comforting to wear them. my grandparents lived during the war and they used everything and never rid of anything. some of the socks have been darned over and over again. it's comforting, sweet and familiar.
it's now two years later, and i'm celebrating christmas in england, again. when i came home after the funeral, i knew. i knew i had to move here. i knew i had to get this out of my system. i knew i couldn't move on with life until i had experienced this place. i feel very fortunate to be able to do this.
this will be the first christmas spent apart from my parents. that's kinda hard, and i feel like i've taken it for granted. especially when you're an only child. but, i am so blessed to be able to say i have family here. i'm looking forward to spending time with nana, beside the coal fire. with my cousins, my aunt and my uncle and his wife.
miss you grand. see you later...
1 comment:
He looks a lot like your dad!
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