ain't it like most people, i'm no different, we love to talk on things we don't know about.

i came across this the other day and it reminded me of a conversation with someone i had long forgotten. it got me thinking. i know it seems i do a lot of that. thinking. and i do. i blame my only-child-ness, introverted disposition and a fascination with psychology...and there you have it. lots of thinking. it's mostly just processing really. i find humanity fascinating. they have pills for this kind of thing. but, it doesn’t negatively impact on my life, so we should be good. this blog is a mouthpiece. this poor blog.

here we go.

i had someone a few years ago say to me, oh, you're one of those career women...someone who chooses to work rather than have a family. i was shocked. stunned at what i had just heard. i didn't know what to say. i remember struggling to process and find a quick response. inside i was screaming. my education, my degree, my job...all this hard work? summed up and reduced to that? he made it sound like a man could be purchased through a catalogue and he was questioning why i hadn't made my selection yet and settled down. yeah...cuz it's that easy. was he threatened? intimidated? i felt like i was being punished for my accomplishments. then it hit me. i wouldn't be having this conversation if i was a male. i wouldn't be judged. i'd be praised for my success, for going forth and hunting and gathering. maybe he was confused.

i have my parents to thank for this independence. this self-reliance. i've arrived at this place because i refused to sit around and expect someone to rescue me. to marry me. to impregnate me. because that is what's expected of my sex? 

this hasn't happened yet, and i'm going to put my life on hold until this area sorts itself out? uh. no. i've got other things to experience. adventures. i haven't arrived here by accident. its nice for you, you...with your wife, your kids and your mortgage...but don't judge me because of why i am and where i'm at. i sound angry. lovely. i'm not. i'm processing. i'm trying to find meaning. i do this sometimes.

i also need to reflect and acknowledge the person who said this probably didn't know what he was saying or stopped to consider the impact of such a statement could have on person before he said it. when you deconstruct something, it's better because you're less likely to get upset because you've removed the focus from yourself to them. trying to understand why they've said what they said. to consider their norm, their reality, their narrative before you arrive at a conclusion. i need to try and practice this more. calm down. relax.

i also know this person has little post-secondary education and is of a view where he prefers his wife to stay at home to raise their children and run the household. which, a little archaic in today’s world, and yes, i'm making judgements right now, but whatever. it's your life. it's your wife's life. maybe i'll get there one day and my priorities will change. and that's okay because i recognise that life is a process, it evolves. i’ve also learned that when you start looking at life as a journey, rather than a set of targets society expects you to meet, it sets you apart and removes the pressure. although, you may get weird looks or questions as demonstrated in my experience.

maybe this person just didn't get it. maybe he was confused by my situation, my life course. this relocation to the uk isn't the norm for some people. getting married is important. having children wasn't...until the last two years or so. i have my job to thank for that. the amount of child development knowledge i've learned through the job. all the children i've interviewed. all the groups i've run. all the families i've seen. all the abusive relationships i've witnessed and documented to steer clear of. 

moving to the uk has softened me. big time. i'm realising i'm not a machine with a program, and that's okay. i'm human and i'm not nearly as invincible as i make myself out to be. but, it's called confidence. and, sometimes it comes and sometimes it goes. being strong is hard. making decisions is hard. following through is even harder. and there's mistakes littered throughout this process too. but, i'm here in this country for a reason. i don't know why or what for. but, i'm here nonetheless. for how long, we'll see. the visa's good for another four years, but that doesn't mean anything.