i am a big-picture person.

what do i have to complain about? feel sad about?

i mean, really...what is there?

nothing. 

i'm speaking from an earthly perspective, but also a spiritual perspective. 

i am chosen, i am free, i am living for eternity, free now forever.

since moving to the uk, i seem to have these pockets of moments where everything comes to a head and i realise how amazing life is. it can be overwhelming sometimes. it's usually when i'm walking to the car from my cottage as i let my eyes wander the estate grounds, walking from work to the train, or when i'm outside my cottage, on the stone stoop nursing a random pint of guinness before midnight. 

i want to learn to be more content with less. i want to place less importance on things, and more importance on relationships. case in point? my birthday dinner. a night out with women who i'm consciously allowing them to get to know me. opening myself up to, establishing connections and building relationship. community. i had a busy, full-on day at work and something was said an hour before i left the office that threw me. attacked me. struck a cord, a negative cord. it was my birthday. i knew i had a lovely evening ahead of me. i know myself. i know how things, words can penetrate me and my self-esteem and from that, ugly things can blossom. i am thankful for recognition, an awareness, people i can call, people i can talk to. early recognition is a blessing. and above all, to pray. to pray against negativity. it feels like a gift. to consciously choose to believe truth over the lies. returning to God for your fulfillment, not another person because there's a pretty good chance, that person could let you down. hey, i know. i do it too. eleanor mumford once said, 'people do people things'. i believe that. we are broken, we are hurt and we do things that hurt others. i'm not excusing this, i'm stating a fact. 

i am very much attracted these days to the true, honest and authentic definition of love, obedience and grace. i see its fruit. i'm switched on and when i recognise it, i feel connected. and yes, i've been listening a lot to mumford & sons this week. 

i heard tim day say, when perfect love secures our human heart, our vulnerabilities become the basis for intimacy. 

God is that ultimate perfect love. i believe that the concept of perfect love exists in human relationships, but we need to accept that at the end of the day, people do people things. and hopefully, as people, we have the ability to look beyond ourselves and the strength it takes to acknowledge our follies. hopefully through our obedience...humility, grace and forgiveness God can restore what was done. but, it's obedience. our obedience. the permission we give to God for his restoration to take shape. it's God's truth that will always protect us, anchor us, restore us. i need to continue turning to my God for this acceptance.