you send me, just colours.

so this new job? not gonna lie...i am going to be living for my court days.

oh, i just ate chocolate and i've discovered mulled wine this week so this post is going to be...well, interesting. sorry for the hyperness. i also have a million things to do tonight it prep for tomorrow so i need to get this out of the way and on with my evening. i've got a coal fire and a whiskey nightcap waiting on the other side of nine o'clock tomorrow night. after the four hour road trip to the west midlands, of course. this is what we call the home stretch, baby.

yeah, so court...that's where all the action is. it's a concentrated amount of action. it's an adrenaline rush. and i know my brain will be buzzing come three o'clock. court days aren't every day. so i can pace myself. it's the only hands-on part of this job. i miss it. i miss the face-to-face. having a caseload, clients, families, children to see on a regular basis. police, hospital, mental health services and domestic violence services to collaborate with. i miss the thrill of an investigation. the unpredictability of walking into a home and not knowing what you may or may not find. i look back on my time in child welfare and i can't believe the places i've been, and the situations i've found myself in and how i came out unscathed and in the span of less than an hour where i was able to build a level of trust with families that conveyed, i am here to help you, not take your children away. and, if i'm honest with myself...i do miss it. i can't believe i just said that.

but, back to the job. it's a good thing i'm opinionated. it's a good thing i'm not easily intimidated. i know how to own this. whether you're a lawyer, a judge or a parent who happens to be angry at your ex-partner because they left with your child because you were a controlling excuse of a man who chose violence when you didn't get your way.

ouch.

i know my stuff and i'm always learning. this critical reflection? this critical analysis? this quest for truth and understanding combined with my love of research and analysing information? this is my secret weapon.

i've already encountered some pretty oppressive practices and opinions in the span of three weeks. times where i've had to bite my tongue, hold my breath, my words. i'm treading water right now, feeling things out. making notes of when and where i can start stepping on these oppressive toes i encounter. judgements made of parents that don't even remotely resemble a protection concern regarding their children. and then there's the battle of the he said/she said. i will slice through the bullshit and reel you into what's really going on. you won't know what happened, or what hit you. as a social worker, as an agent of change i will challenge. i will be patient. you won't know it, but i will educate you. i will be sensitive, but what i won't be, is silent. there's this innate thing inside me that craves truth, understanding and the ability to acknowledge that sometimes we screw up and a chance to do right is never too late.

this job looks very different from my old one. i have to accept that social work has many faces and that's okay. i won't have the stress as i did before because i'm not responsible for the risk. i'll sleep better at night. i already am.