ode to the past year...

hey there, have you recovered from my last post? i certainly have. phew. oh, and shout out to my pal, the photographer for some normailising/validating action from her fellow photographer english friend. i will look into the uk expectations regarding photography to find out where i stand. mwuah, sonja!

oh, and photos of my time at avon beach yesterday will be sprinkled throughout this post. enjoy!

so, where to start? we need to start somewhere. lets start at the beginning. october 2009. oh God, you are soooo good. sooo good to me.  this was the month i decided to hand in my resignation at my current job back home, with an end date of the day before christmas eve. this was a decision i made to leave a great job, surrounded by a great team of people with great memories from the past three and a half years. a decision to leave all that was comfortable and familiar behind and enter the land of tea and scones, england. why, you ask? a few reasons. monotony, an unexplained restlessness. a refusal to believe that this was it for me. buy a house and set up camp. why? why accept this just yet i kept asking myself. you have nothing tying you down. nothing. you can do whatever you want, world-is-your-oyster-type-crap. also, i'm half english. this quest, this need to see this english of me was really strong. so, i said, yes.

this was also the month i decided to start a low-carb/gluten free/low gi lifestyle. decided to address issues with food, weight and all things emotional associated with food and weight. aha. i researched the entire process and i adopted the belief that i was in for the long haul. my relationship with food was coming to an end, people. again, i couldn't accept this was it. something had to give. sixty pounds later. yes, you heard me right. s-i-x-t-y.  i thought it was less a few weeks ago, but then i found a figure written down in one of my journals the other day that was a starting weight. unless you've gone through this process, only you can understand the impact of sixty pounds leaving your body, physically....and emotionally. holy smokes - that's for you, rachel! the adjustments that are needed to be made, physically and emotionally that you can't avoid. i'm sorry i'm making it seem like a punishment. that's not what i'm intending to convey.

fast forward to february/march 2010. i've arrived in the uk. i need a car. i need a job. i buy a car. i find a job. i move to the sea along the dorset coastline. to live by the sea has been another dream. what does God do? (besides providing me with a car and job in such a short time period) he finds me a studio flat...walking steps to the beach.

by week two of living down here i encounter a few meltdowns inspired by severely delayed and suppressed homesickness. i miss my parents. me, an only child, who's only had her mom and dad in her life and i miss them terribly. i love you guys.

but, i've found a church, the bournemouth vineyard. the vineyard is my home. it was back in cambridge and it definitely is here in england. i swallowed my pride that one sunday as i remember trying to hold back tears and i approached the then-acting-pastors by humbling asking, my name's hayley and i need a small group. can you help me? that was the day i met my friend, rachel. little did i know what God had in store for us at that time.

i've only worked three and a half months this year. contract work with the council ended as they returned to full-time staff, and that was fine by me. the uk child welfare system is not somewhere i want to be. the system is so much different here then it is back home. i'll take home over this, any day. however, i gained confidence in my identity as a social worker. i realised i do know what i'm doing and why i do it. i realised my method/approach is effective. something i never quite understood or believed when i was back home. i understand now. thanks to the Lord for keeping me safe.

a trip back home in june/july to see my parents was lovely. it was what i needed. to sleep in my bed again. to smell those familiar smells. to drink coffee with my parents. to eat dinners together in the evening. to do mundane things like laundry, drink a beer while sun-tanning on the back deck and watch tv together. it was a whirlwind of a visit though. i wanted to see everyone and do everything. i needed to be filled up again with all things canadian.

my girlfriends came to visit me for two weeks in july. i got to show them my england. the knitter knit with my nana while we drank whisky nightcaps. and, the literary genius explained all things art in florence, italy. it was magical. a dream.

the next few months after that were...interesting. God was ready to address my expectations of being out of work, looking for a job, not receiving a regular pay cheque and my stubborn individual-ness. i started using my small group. i started sharing with them my struggles and prayer requests. i started asking God for things. which is something i seemed to think i wasn't worthy of, or in need of. stupid hayley. my small group have been lovely. we need community. we need to be with others. this is God's plan. he wants His children together so they love on each other, support each other, build each other up. if you're reading this, please don't ever forget this. hear what i say.

up next, the end of my flat tenancy. rachel asks me to move in with her. i say, yes. i apply to every job that peaks my interest - all eight of them. i travel to london specifically for a job as advertised with an agency. i walk through every door and every opportunity. i'm practising faith here. knowing His hand is in all of this that i don't understand.

i attended interviews. the first interview, in eastbourne goes well - but i can't tell what they think. on the two and half drive home i get a phone call - i'm driving so i don't answer. it's frowned upon in this country. later that evening, after debriefing with rachel, my mobile rings. it's them. the interviewers offering me the job.

what?

really?

i take some time to think and pray. i also had a few more interviews lined up. i attend them and make a decision. i wasn't successful with the other two. i accept eastbourne's offer. i'm moving to eastbourne.

and then i wait. wait on a background check, c-r-b. it's hard waiting. especially when your name is, hayley. i throw myself into the duties of a 50s housewife. i bake. i cook yummy dinners. i clean. i sing along to worship songs in the kitchen. i walk to town. i visit the library. i blog.

i line up two flat viewings one saturday. rachel and i roadtrip it to eastbourne. property number one to our surprise is situated on ellel ministries. i didn't realise this until half way through the tour. this is God's property? this land is anointed by the Holy Spirit? this is a healing retreat property and with a few dozen cottages scattered on its property? is this for real? rachel feels good about it. i feel good about. i think, hayley, you have the opportunity to live and benefit from all that is offered here.

did i mention they have llamas and pigs? aha.

so. i say, yes. and i move in this friday at 2pm.

now we're up to date. no start date yet for the job because i've finally made it to stage 4 of 5 with the c-r-b. i'm in the home stretch now i know.

this past weekend. i attended an encounter evening with rachel at my church. a night of full on worship. i pray for lots of things that night. i hear God say to me that he might call me up on stage tomorrow during the service to share a bit and say good bye to the church.

he does.

paul, the pastor knows it's my last time with the church today and he calls me up. i'm walking to the front, i slip before climbing the stairs. i'm wearing my 4 year old steve madden cowboy boots that have no tread. i laugh because God's got a sense of humour. i have never been on stage before. never. he hands me the microphone and my legs start shaking. i get through it. i talk. i say, i'm canadian, i'm moving and i am so thankful for my small group and the leaders, jenny and denham. i say the vineyard is my home and from the moment i walked in last march, i've felt at home. i can't remember what else i said - rachel said it was great and it made sense. i thank God. i say goodbye.

stick around for the next chapter. it'll begin in eastbourne. thanks for reading.